Goodbye Summer...See You Next Year.

Canal Fest is long past, the canal concerts have ended, and school for the kiddies has begun. There is nothing left except to take out the trash. And with our cache of photos running low, and anything good having already been posted, there is no time like the present to call it a summer. It was a good time had by all. And unless we get sent a photo which must absolutely be posted, we will be back next spring in full force. Canal concerts, Canal Fest, and possibly branching out into all things WNY, including all the other local festivals, fetes and fairs. So, good night, good luck and see you next year!

- peopleofcanalfest@gmail.com

Warning: Actual Size

It's Doctor Ruth! I wonder how many people she's stopped to ask them about their penis? I do love the fact that it's at least 85 degrees and humid, yet still need to wear the full length coat. I'm betting she can remember the day the Erie Canal was opened...and when the Constitution was signed.

Thanks to JSpence for their submission.

I Love the Nightlife, I Love to Boogie

It should be illegal to make clothes in that color. And it's like she's wearing a biker chain gong horribly wrong. Oh, disco night at Canal Fest. Many didn't have to dress up to so their 70's and 80's style, but some chose to. They have waited for this night all summer, circling it on their calendar. Wait, this wasn't disco night!? Oh dear...

Lay off me I'm starving...

When it gets to the point that it's either sweatpants, or no pants, then there's a problem...but I'm not telling her that. I personally enjoy the comfort of sweatpants as well, but choose not to wear them in public. Unless I'm sick, or hungover, and it's just for a quick supply run. I think she's on a mission to the deep fried Oreo stand. Or maybe the Girl Scouts selling those little ice creams. Either way, heaven help anybody who gets in her path because, damn, she ain't stoppin' for nobody.

I Pity the Fool

Some people would say that hair makes a statement. What that statement is, on the other hand, I'm not sure. Maybe she's Mr. T's cousin. Nah, not enough gold chains. Or the mother of Legion of Doom member, Animal. Hmm...nope, no face paint. Or possibly she lost a bet. Eh, doubt it. Or she has been rebelling since 1982, and she refuses to let it grow back in. Plausible. Whatever the case may be, I'm sure it less entertaining than stuff I can think up.

Dressing Your Age

I'm not sure what's worse. Long gray hair, no shirt, homemade jorts, the sneakers with the green laces...I mean, seriously. What the heck!? I believe he thinks he's about thirty years younger than he really is, oh, and black. Next thing you'll know he'll want to shoot some b'ball outside of school. Hopefully a couple of guys up to no good don't start making trouble in his neighborhood.

Stalking Her Prey...

"Now be very quiet as we witness the Grandma Creeper stalk her prey. They usually target the younger members of the pack, luring them in with candy and sweets. Crikey! This is a big one, she is." She probably has her son waiting in the windowless van in the nearest parking lot. Reasonable explanation!? Bah! She's just waiting for the first kid to yell "I lost my Mommy," and then she'll strike.

Bigfoot!?

Has this image captured proof of Bigfoot!? Kinda blurry, large, hairy...looks like classic Bigfoot photos to me. So, from the forests or the Northwest to Canal Fest, I present Bigfoot everybody! It makes sense. What better place to hide out that NT? Nobody would ever look for him there. A quick shave and he could easily hide amongst the masses. I wonder if the National Inquirer will pay for this.

Polly Want it's Freedom?

I have to admit, I'm surprised they haven't flew away. I mean, if I was on the shoulder of an old salty sea captain, who looks like he's right out of "Hawaii Five-O," the first chance I got I would be gone. You know, come to think of it... If hung out with the insane guy with the three heads, it might turn into a pretty interesting show. I'd watch it.

Skullet King

This, right here, is a text book definition of a skullet. You add in the mustache and this guy could pass as Jake "The Snake" Roberts' brother. Collared graphical shirt with the top wide open, and now you're south of the Mason-Dixon line. What are the odds that there's a wife beater under that shirt? Let's call Vegas...

Olé

Get this guy a Dos Equis! He certainly knows how to stay classy. Wearing a sombrero, in public, on a day that is nowhere near a Mexican drinking holiday says one thing, but toss in the "G* F*CK Y**RS*LF" shirt, and it takes him to a level of classiness rarely ever seen. I wonder why he's by himself. Where are all his friends? Oh, right...

The Stuff of Nightmares

I'm really not sure what this is even supposed to be. It's like what kids dream about that keep them waking up at night. And by kids, I mean some adults. And by some adults, maybe I mean me, but that's besides the point. I really wish I understood what people think when they decide to leave the house like this. Then again, it is Canal Fest. Oh, and don't even get me started on the creepy mascot in the background.

Thanks to Hilary for her submission.

Parents of the Year

See, this is where the problem begins. This kid is going to grow up thinking it's perfectly fine to wear simply a wife beater in public. We have to nip this problem in the butt, people! This child will have enough problems from the deteriorating O-Zone layer, melting polar ice caps, and the inevitable alien invasion, the last thing he needs is to also end up on an episode of "Cops." Poor, poor children.

Meeting of the Minds

Either one of these two by themselves would be scary enough. Put put both of them in one picture, in what looks to be some poorly hidden drug deal, and you get digital gold. And, as hard as it may be, I am avoiding the obvious head jokes. Like, how many head does it take to look out of place at Canal Fest? Well, more than four.

Crazy Cat Lady

She bear's a striking resemblance to the crazy cat lady from "The Simpsons." I'm betting she doesn't leave the house for many reasons. Fortunately for us, Canal Fest was one of those reasons. I really don't think there are many weirdos out there that can resist the calling of Canal Fest. Especially those who can dress as a witch for Halloween by simply wearing their normal everyday clothes.

Wave 'em like you just don't care...

When overweight, sweating can be an issue. Add in heat and humidity, it becomes dangerous. Now, mix in a little dancing, and it's downright embarrassing. Looks like everybody has backed away to give him plenty of space. At least his shirt has plenty of material to absorb his perspiration. Look like it's big enough to cover a VW Beetle. I wonder if he can get them made out of ShamWows?

Sexy Summer Dress

Do you think she has anything on under that dress? Good luck getting that image out of your head. I really not sure if dresses come with a tension rating, but it may be good to know in this case. I'm hoping this dress has the same strength of those ForceFlex trash bags. The dress may have been designed to have one set of boobs shoved in the front, but the same cannot be said for the back.

Captain Phil

I'm not gonna lie. To stumble upon this guy who could be Captain Phil Harris', of Deadliest Catch fame, long lost brother, during the weeks they were airing the episodes that included his death, was a tad bit creepy. But the resemblance was uncanny. Maybe he decided to grow out the mullet in tribute...then again, probably not. He most likely was born with the mullet.

Hot Mess

Just stopping out before the late shift at Alexander's? I swear you could flashback to 1985 and find somebody wearing the same outfit. The blue spandex and heels accenting the yellow shirt they could spot from the space station is sure to get you noticed. I'm not sure how you want to be noticed, but you'll surely be noticed.

Y'all kind ain't welcome 'round here

Is there a more perfect definition of Canal Fest? No shirt, check. Skullet, check. White tube socks and sneakers, oh you better believe, check. The optional piece to this picture is a wife beater. However, shirtless, works just as well. I got ten bucks that says he drives around in a windowless van. He's probably doing some people watching of his own, "Oh, that one had a real perdy mouth."

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation. Like, Mark Twain invented a time machine and went forward in time to see the horrible, hideous freaks which now walk the earth. That's what happens when you time travel to the middle of Canal Fest. Imagine the stories he'll write about the future now when he goes back to his own time. I'm used to people reporting Elvis sightings, but never Mark Twain.

Just Say No

Drugs are bad, mmmkay? Have you ever seen what this stuff does to school children? Can't she feel a draft? I'm pretty sure I would. Pull the pants up a little, or the shirt down a little, or maybe both. It's quite possible she wanted the attention, trying to attract a nice man. However, this site should be a warning, you never know what characters may catch a glimpse...ourselves included.

I scream, you scream...

Now, normally here at PoCF, we try, yes try, to blur out of the faces of the "innocents," as we call them. The non-targets of the photo. However, here is a case where their face says everything. As much as I could make fun of, well, anything, his friend's face just says it all. But at some point you may need to tell them ,"I think you've had enough."

Beast Mode

Marshawn who? Fred Jackson!? Bah! C.J. Spiller, pffft, don't even bother signing a contract. Right here you have the answer to all of the Bills' problems. ...Or, possibly the reason for all the Bills' problems. I'm not sure. What I am sure of is you can probably fit about five people, maybe six, in that t-shirt. And I hear if you ask nice, she'll show you how she can carry the ball with no hands.

With Strings Attached

I don't get it. Why would you want to pretend you are a marionette puppet? How long did he look forward to Canal Fest just so he could go out in public in this get up? I bet it makes it real easy for his wife to...wait. Wife!? Yeah, I'm betting he's been single for a very long time.

-Thanks to Jennifer for her submission.

Little Black Dress

I for one hope that dress doesn't creep up any higher, or those kids are gonna get one heck of a free show. And the fishnets with the boots, let me just tell you, that is a winning combination right there. I'm not sure who, or what, she's trying to attract in this outfit, but, hey, it is Canal Fest, and if you're looking for another weirdo to complete you, then you've probably come to the right place to find your soul mate.

Too sexy for my shirt

The fact the crowd backed away to leave him on his own should say enough. But Mr. Miyagi's retarded cousin here knows how to have a good time. I should be happy he's at least wearing a shirt, but the cartoon spider on there really makes you wonder what his intentions are. Maybe he should go back to his windowless van and attempt to lure the children in with candy, not beer.

NT Diva

Straight from the red carpet to Canal Fest...wow, talk about a fall from Grace. How bad must she feel that she is not walking the streets of Beverly Hills, but instead North Tonawanda. No paparazzi here to watch your every move and make you famous...oh wait. I supposed there was to some degree. Anyways, maybe she's upset because one of the "townies" swiped her favorite Prada bag. Or maybe she just now realized where she was. Either way, bummer.

Shaman of Sexy

"Shirt: tight. Pants: tighter. Hair: flowing...sexiness achieved. Chin up, now strut..." Normally in this situation, I would recommend trying on pants just a size or so bigger. But instead, I see this as a very important part of evolution. Spencer coined the term "survival of the fittest." Darwin called it "natural selection." But this is "self regulated population control." Witness the limited blood flow to certain areas in the name of fashion. So, strut away, Fabio...strut away.

I'm Coming Elizabeth

Better get out of his way before he give's you a knuckle sandwich. Oh, Fred Sanford, what'll you do next? And yes, that's a "Sanford and Son" reference. The young-ens may need to look that up. I'll never understand the socks. As you get older, the socks get higher. It can't be about staying warm, because you could just wear pants. Or in this case, sleeves. Comfort, maybe? But to me, I think that would be more restrictive, and therefore less comfortable. This is as confusing to me as is Astrophysics, Calculus and people's attraction to the Twilight Saga.

Supa Dupa Fupa! [Redux]

[Please stand by for a very important message.] Hello everyone. I come to you with a serious message. We removed a post. I know, it comes as a shock. So I'll pause to let you take that in. ... Ready? Good. This post is dedicated to those who hide behind anonymous comments, crying, complaining, and trying to cause problems. Yeah, see, this "hiding" stuff goes both ways. So, there! It's a freaking joke, people! Suck it up! If you don't like it, don't visit! ::clears throat:: Sorry. Anyways, turns out, some people like to have issues with things we post and write. In most situations, we simply laugh and make fun of them, only privately off of the blog. But democratically, the board of directors and I decided to remove the post in question. It hurt, thinking of all the hard work that went into it, but we did it. Did I cry? Maybe a little. But that's besides the point. In it's place, we post this. We'll simply allow the great people who visit us to make up their own comments. We here at People of Canal Fest are simply here to entertain. For those who don't appreciate our humor, well, you are entitled to your opinion, but then again, you do have the option of not visiting. Because that's what America was built on. Freedom. And greed, but mostly the other stuff. This is the internet. 90% porn, 8% crude and lewd sites, and 2% information. Margin of error, 2%. We will continue to do what we do best...be immature, make crude and tasteless jokes, and quite possibly offend absolutely everyone. At least until 2012 when the world ends...yeah, sure it will. In closing, continue to feel free to express yourself via comments, and we will continue making fun of unsuspecting people, because that's just what we do. Thank you America, and good night. [We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.]

Tickle Me Emo

Oh, emo culture. There's just so much I don't understand about you. I mean, take this for example. The clothing...obviously female-ish. The person...obviously male...I think. But why? In my day, we called somebody who wore woman's clothes a cross-dresser, or Boy George. Sorry, that's not "P.C." anymore. Now, you're just confused or expressing yourself. How 'bout you turn off the Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance, stop crying, go out, and be a useful member to society.

Quit Your B*tchin'

I can only imagine the meal conversations between these two. Yikes. And what really sums up the spirit of the Tonawandas and Canal Fest better than a wife beater with some custom airbrush work. "Martha, where's my good "going out" shirt? The one that reminds me of you? Martha? Martha!" You know, I bet torpedo boobs here could handle herself pretty well in a fight. I'm gonna take the Mrs in three rounds.

Easy Rider

I respect the fact you believe your jacket, bandana and boots and make you look cool. But, seriously, if the temperature outside is 85 plus, and the humidity hovers anywhere over 80%, there is no reason to wear all that. I'm sure the his cleanliness could be called into question any day of the week, but add in the amount of sweating he must be doing in that jacket, and I don't want to be within twenty feet of him. Eh, maybe thirty feet.

Them Bones

First of all, ewww. Ok now, I don't care hot warm it is out, there comes a time when your age limits your clothing choices. God forbid Skeletor's top slips down and gives the Canal Fest faithful a show they will never forget...even after many years of therapy. I don't want to see my daughter in something like this, never mind my mother...or my grandmother. Age appropriateness goes both ways.

The Nasty Boyz

Unfortunately, despite having the same number of combined teeth as Knobbs and Sags of WWF fame, the similarities end there. Safe to say I don't think there is any worry about these two using steroids. Odds are they haven't seen the inside of a gym in the past ten years. But despite all this, they proudly wear their belts in public, in "cool" over-the-shoulder fashion, when in fact only three people and the other wrassler's girlfriends watched them "win".

King of the Wild Frontier

I'd swear he's wearing a coonskin cap. And if that's the case, then we got our first celebrity picture. Davy Crockett, everybody! ... What's that? ... Well, who else would wear a dead raccoon on top of their head? ... It's not a raccoon? ... It's his hair!? Nooooo, it can't be. ... Really?! Wow, he must use conditioner. Not to mention an interesting choice of hairstyle.

Fashion Sense Skips a Generation

Tie dyed shirt, check. Strechy pants, check. Hat just a tad bit off center, check. Complete lack of fashion sense, complete. Even RuPaul would be ashamed. I mean, seriously people. Be a good friend. Don't let friends make bad choices. It's not hard to ask somebody, "you are going to wear that?" And if they are, well, then it's your obligation as a friend to set the record straight. Please, for the sake of the children, the children's children, and so forth, let's stop this terrible epidemic before it gets any worse.

Free and Easy

Let's just say, there are certain people who can walk around shirtless...you are not one of them. For the benefit of, well, everybody, it's just best if you cover up. And, if you do have a "better half", shame on them for letting you leave the house like that. Think of all the people who have the sight of him walking at them burned into their retinas for life. And the little children having nightmares about those jiggling man-boobs. So sad.

-Thanks to "screaminggore" for their submission.

Straight Edge Society

I don't claim to get it. I understand the basic concepts of "straight edge". Unfortunately, in the no drugs or alcohol or whatnot, does it say anything about not making a bad decision. Guys with a stud earring, fine, go nuts. But this...most guys buy big expensive, extravagant things in order to compensate for something. I guess he didn't get the memo.

Devil's Army? More like Devil's Coast Guard

Looks like somebody went shopping at Hot Topic! I was trying to figure out how and why she chose this outfit to wear to Canal Fest. To me, boots are not the best choice for extended periods of walking. But it occurred to me this is probably what she wears every single day. Shocking she would even consider covering up her tattoo on her right leg. Shame.

Back in 19-ot-6...

There comes a time in your life when you just don't care about much anymore. Let the beard grow in honor of ZZ Top, allowing it to hold onto food from meals long ago. Kill all plants and small animals within a five foot radius simply with your body odor. Fashion, bah! Who needs that!? And laundry, well, laundry is a bad word. And let's not forget about eating cat food off of a garbage can at Canal Fest. Yes, these are the days we all look forward to.

Three's Company

The only thing better than his amazing fashion sense, were his sweet dance moves. Michael Jackson has nothing on this guy. And the sweat pants tucked into the socks...the pièce de résistance. Oh, and the three heads were just a tad creepy. Not the guy I want to run into in a dark ally.

Mmmm...candy apple

Not shocking it takes a candy coating to get her to eat an apple. If you're gonna eat something healthy, might as well cover it in a thick layer of something tasty. And you may want to remove that bracelet while you still can. A few more candy apples and you're gonna lose that hand...OH! Wait! But then you could get a sweet hook to hold more than one candy apple at once. I call that a win. So, I for one say eat, girl, eat.

I think I'm cute, I know I'm sexy

"What? You can't tell I've been working out? Check out my abs!" These soldiers do everything they can for our country, and this is how they are repaid? Being hit on by Doris Grossman from "The Critic"? (Yes, a short lived mid-90's cartoon reference. Look it up!) Anyways, I'm glad I can't hear that conversation. You roll the shirt up anymore, this picture goes from being PG-13 to NC-17.

Baby got back...rack...

Damn, girl! You have a better set of boobs on your back than some have up front. It's hard to tell if you're coming or going. Now I ain't no doctor, but it may be in your best interest to have a few less perogies at the Polish tent next time. Just saying.

The chick in the crying game is really a man...

Gilligan here wandered in the beer tent complete with his Sparks in a paper bag. Classy. Aside from being slightly funny stumbling around trying to use his cell phone, it was borderline PoCF material. Then the realization set in. This was no man...

I think he can hear you Ray...

Yikes! It's the Cracker Jack mascot gone, horribly, horribly wrong. Overalls that aren't quite going over all. I for one hope there is something else, anything else, under them. But, it was hot and humid, so the odds are not in favor of that. Also, bonus points for the guy in the cowboy hat who was dancing all by himself.