Lay off me I'm starving...

When it gets to the point that it's either sweatpants, or no pants, then there's a problem...but I'm not telling her that. I personally enjoy the comfort of sweatpants as well, but choose not to wear them in public. Unless I'm sick, or hungover, and it's just for a quick supply run. I think she's on a mission to the deep fried Oreo stand. Or maybe the Girl Scouts selling those little ice creams. Either way, heaven help anybody who gets in her path because, damn, she ain't stoppin' for nobody.

I Pity the Fool

Some people would say that hair makes a statement. What that statement is, on the other hand, I'm not sure. Maybe she's Mr. T's cousin. Nah, not enough gold chains. Or the mother of Legion of Doom member, Animal. Hmm...nope, no face paint. Or possibly she lost a bet. Eh, doubt it. Or she has been rebelling since 1982, and she refuses to let it grow back in. Plausible. Whatever the case may be, I'm sure it less entertaining than stuff I can think up.

Dressing Your Age

I'm not sure what's worse. Long gray hair, no shirt, homemade jorts, the sneakers with the green laces...I mean, seriously. What the heck!? I believe he thinks he's about thirty years younger than he really is, oh, and black. Next thing you'll know he'll want to shoot some b'ball outside of school. Hopefully a couple of guys up to no good don't start making trouble in his neighborhood.

Stalking Her Prey...

"Now be very quiet as we witness the Grandma Creeper stalk her prey. They usually target the younger members of the pack, luring them in with candy and sweets. Crikey! This is a big one, she is." She probably has her son waiting in the windowless van in the nearest parking lot. Reasonable explanation!? Bah! She's just waiting for the first kid to yell "I lost my Mommy," and then she'll strike.

Bigfoot!?

Has this image captured proof of Bigfoot!? Kinda blurry, large, hairy...looks like classic Bigfoot photos to me. So, from the forests or the Northwest to Canal Fest, I present Bigfoot everybody! It makes sense. What better place to hide out that NT? Nobody would ever look for him there. A quick shave and he could easily hide amongst the masses. I wonder if the National Inquirer will pay for this.

Polly Want it's Freedom?

I have to admit, I'm surprised they haven't flew away. I mean, if I was on the shoulder of an old salty sea captain, who looks like he's right out of "Hawaii Five-O," the first chance I got I would be gone. You know, come to think of it... If hung out with the insane guy with the three heads, it might turn into a pretty interesting show. I'd watch it.

Skullet King

This, right here, is a text book definition of a skullet. You add in the mustache and this guy could pass as Jake "The Snake" Roberts' brother. Collared graphical shirt with the top wide open, and now you're south of the Mason-Dixon line. What are the odds that there's a wife beater under that shirt? Let's call Vegas...

Olé

Get this guy a Dos Equis! He certainly knows how to stay classy. Wearing a sombrero, in public, on a day that is nowhere near a Mexican drinking holiday says one thing, but toss in the "G* F*CK Y**RS*LF" shirt, and it takes him to a level of classiness rarely ever seen. I wonder why he's by himself. Where are all his friends? Oh, right...

The Stuff of Nightmares

I'm really not sure what this is even supposed to be. It's like what kids dream about that keep them waking up at night. And by kids, I mean some adults. And by some adults, maybe I mean me, but that's besides the point. I really wish I understood what people think when they decide to leave the house like this. Then again, it is Canal Fest. Oh, and don't even get me started on the creepy mascot in the background.

Thanks to Hilary for her submission.

Parents of the Year

See, this is where the problem begins. This kid is going to grow up thinking it's perfectly fine to wear simply a wife beater in public. We have to nip this problem in the butt, people! This child will have enough problems from the deteriorating O-Zone layer, melting polar ice caps, and the inevitable alien invasion, the last thing he needs is to also end up on an episode of "Cops." Poor, poor children.

Meeting of the Minds

Either one of these two by themselves would be scary enough. Put put both of them in one picture, in what looks to be some poorly hidden drug deal, and you get digital gold. And, as hard as it may be, I am avoiding the obvious head jokes. Like, how many head does it take to look out of place at Canal Fest? Well, more than four.

Crazy Cat Lady

She bear's a striking resemblance to the crazy cat lady from "The Simpsons." I'm betting she doesn't leave the house for many reasons. Fortunately for us, Canal Fest was one of those reasons. I really don't think there are many weirdos out there that can resist the calling of Canal Fest. Especially those who can dress as a witch for Halloween by simply wearing their normal everyday clothes.

Wave 'em like you just don't care...

When overweight, sweating can be an issue. Add in heat and humidity, it becomes dangerous. Now, mix in a little dancing, and it's downright embarrassing. Looks like everybody has backed away to give him plenty of space. At least his shirt has plenty of material to absorb his perspiration. Look like it's big enough to cover a VW Beetle. I wonder if he can get them made out of ShamWows?

Sexy Summer Dress

Do you think she has anything on under that dress? Good luck getting that image out of your head. I really not sure if dresses come with a tension rating, but it may be good to know in this case. I'm hoping this dress has the same strength of those ForceFlex trash bags. The dress may have been designed to have one set of boobs shoved in the front, but the same cannot be said for the back.

Captain Phil

I'm not gonna lie. To stumble upon this guy who could be Captain Phil Harris', of Deadliest Catch fame, long lost brother, during the weeks they were airing the episodes that included his death, was a tad bit creepy. But the resemblance was uncanny. Maybe he decided to grow out the mullet in tribute...then again, probably not. He most likely was born with the mullet.

Hot Mess

Just stopping out before the late shift at Alexander's? I swear you could flashback to 1985 and find somebody wearing the same outfit. The blue spandex and heels accenting the yellow shirt they could spot from the space station is sure to get you noticed. I'm not sure how you want to be noticed, but you'll surely be noticed.

Y'all kind ain't welcome 'round here

Is there a more perfect definition of Canal Fest? No shirt, check. Skullet, check. White tube socks and sneakers, oh you better believe, check. The optional piece to this picture is a wife beater. However, shirtless, works just as well. I got ten bucks that says he drives around in a windowless van. He's probably doing some people watching of his own, "Oh, that one had a real perdy mouth."

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation. Like, Mark Twain invented a time machine and went forward in time to see the horrible, hideous freaks which now walk the earth. That's what happens when you time travel to the middle of Canal Fest. Imagine the stories he'll write about the future now when he goes back to his own time. I'm used to people reporting Elvis sightings, but never Mark Twain.

Just Say No

Drugs are bad, mmmkay? Have you ever seen what this stuff does to school children? Can't she feel a draft? I'm pretty sure I would. Pull the pants up a little, or the shirt down a little, or maybe both. It's quite possible she wanted the attention, trying to attract a nice man. However, this site should be a warning, you never know what characters may catch a glimpse...ourselves included.

I scream, you scream...

Now, normally here at PoCF, we try, yes try, to blur out of the faces of the "innocents," as we call them. The non-targets of the photo. However, here is a case where their face says everything. As much as I could make fun of, well, anything, his friend's face just says it all. But at some point you may need to tell them ,"I think you've had enough."

Beast Mode

Marshawn who? Fred Jackson!? Bah! C.J. Spiller, pffft, don't even bother signing a contract. Right here you have the answer to all of the Bills' problems. ...Or, possibly the reason for all the Bills' problems. I'm not sure. What I am sure of is you can probably fit about five people, maybe six, in that t-shirt. And I hear if you ask nice, she'll show you how she can carry the ball with no hands.

With Strings Attached

I don't get it. Why would you want to pretend you are a marionette puppet? How long did he look forward to Canal Fest just so he could go out in public in this get up? I bet it makes it real easy for his wife to...wait. Wife!? Yeah, I'm betting he's been single for a very long time.

-Thanks to Jennifer for her submission.